I fought the law and got my *ss kicked!

Oh dear readers. Some of you know that along with my intellectual property work I do criminal law work as well. Since I'm coming up on about 1 1/2 years of crim law, I'd just like to point out a few things--very similar to the list of what I will not do if I am an arch-villain and have finally captured the protagonist.

1) I will NOT believe the cops when, after arresting me, they tell me they just want to help.

2) I will NOT, under any circumstances, waive my Miranda Rights; similarly, I will NOT confess and later say, "I didn't really mean it."

3) I will NOT ask my lawyer to just communicate through my Mom, since this would violate attorney-client privilege.

4) I will NOT have a pile of evidence with my fingerprints all over it and claim that I was framed by a former lover who moved out-of-state 10 years ago.

5) I will NOT try to claim as a defense that the police dog only tracked me down because I had eaten a cheeseburger 4 hours ago.

6) I will NOT claim I had drugs in my pocket because I found it on the sidewalk near the school and didn't want the children to get it.

7) I will NOT answer the judge's questions with "whatever" as my lawyer stands with her jaw dropped to the floor after instructing me to say "yes your Honor" and "no your Honor."

8) I will NOT come to court in blue jean cutoffs if I am lucky enough to be out on bail.

9) I will NOT call my defense attorney 2-3 times, or even once, per day to see how she is progressing on winning my stunning case.

10) I will NOT write a letter to the judge explaining how this is all a big mistake.

AND

***I will NOT violate any of the aforementioned rules
and then demand my defense attorney win at trial.****